They Were Tony and Sid
by Jaedr
Summary: Tony's thoughts at the airport and directly after. Spoilers up till the last episode of the second series. Written with Tony/Sid in mind, but can be read as good friends.


He watched, eyes looking for the most minute detail. Looking at the revolving door, watching, watching, waiting. A million thoughts running through his mind like prayers to some unnamed god. All with the same subject, about the same person. 'Please'. 'Please, don't let this be it' Lips quivering, but with such little movement even someone who was looking would have trouble seeing it. Nodding, like pretending to say yes would make him believe this was okay. 'Come on' And, just like that his prayers were answered in those three seconds he had felt his heart crushing itself. The top of a beanie reappeared in his line of sight, followed by a pale forehead, purple glasses, and a dorky face. And God what was he thinking, buying that ticket, and wishing him good luck. This just proves that it was wrong wrong _wrong_. Because in those three seconds Sid was out of his line of sight, and Tony was sure he would never see him again, it had felt like everything he knew about his world was gone in a flash.

What was he without 'Tony and Sid'? What was there in his life if there wasn't Sid? His best mate. The only one who saw his bullshit and called him on it. Who remembered what he was like as a manipulative little angel at all of six years old. Who could he trust if Sid wasn't right there behind him like always? Going along with anything Tony's demented mind could think of? And when Sid dropped his bag, like he was going to say 'Fuck it, who needs Cassie? Who needs New York? Let's go down to the pub and get pissed, share a spliff, and wake up starkers in some random house, trying to get away before the rents call the coppers'. And then Sid would smile and Tony would smile, and they'd climb back into Sid's dad's car, because it still felt wrong that it would be Sid's now, and Michelle would just know why Sid wasn't 10 000 metres up in the air, on his way to the Big Apple to find his wayward girlfriend. But it would be okay. Because everything would be how it was before Cassie even came. Before Tony got hit by a bus and lost all his memories and personality, before Tony had fucked everything up with Sid and Michelle. And even though he and Michelle were to go to different Universities, and Chris was gone, and Maxxie and Anwar were gone to London, and Jal was, well, who knows what Jal was doing besides being amazing at the clarinet, everything would be fine, because Sid would follow him to Cardiff and be there when he needed him and lost when he didn't. And Tony would help him find a new girl and probably get himself one, and they would be 'Tony and Sid, best mates for life', again, like it always was before and how it always should be.

But then Sid was trying to say something, but Tony didn't really care. Anything Sid needed to say Tony already knew, because that's just how they were. So he had to shut him up somehow, he had to be the one in control. Giving Sid orders and expecting him to follow them.

The first one was about that stupid hat he always wore. No one in University would ever take him seriously if he kept wearing the sodding thing all the time. But maybe it was just an excuse to pull it off his head, feel the cotton that hid Sid's whole life and personality under it day after day. The material surprisingly warm from being on top of the brown mop Sid never remembers to brush in the morning. Watching Sid shake his head and stare at him like a little kid being spoken to by his parents was amusing, but it reminded him that he started one, so there better be another one. Tony couldn't think of anything, so he just grabs Sid round his ears and presses his lips against his forehead. It's not like Tony's never kissed him before right? I mean, there was that time in the bathroom after catching Sid trying to fuck Michelle where Sid barely had his trousers up and Tony kissed him full on the lips, so it's not like it's that odd. At first he had his eyes closed, but he opens them and looks down at the brown hair of his friend. He thinks of all the time he's woken up after some drunken party to find this same head on his stomach, tickling his bare belly, moist hot breath puffing out onto whatever skin it can find. And he can't think of what to say that sounds suave so he just tells the truth "I always loved you the best, Sid". And it's the damned truth. Probably the most truth filled thing he's ever said. Because if he didn't love Sid, who could he love? Sure, he cared about Effy, she was his life, his responsibility, his baby sister. He _had_ to take care of her. It was just the done thing was what it was though. Something he felt he needed to do. But with Sid, it was just what he _wanted_ to do. Something that was ingrained into his brain, probably into his being because even when he had no memory of why, he still wanted Sid. And with Sid staring at him confused like that, mouth a little open in that way of his, he almost feels scared, but then he's nodding in a way that shows that yeah, he understands perfectly, because he knows what's going through Tony's mind and it's _perfect_.

But now he can't think of a three. And there's always a three so he has to say _something_ but there's just nothing in his head he's so delirious with being Tony and Sid again. As if it was the final thing he was waiting for. And the old Tony would be mortified at stuttering so the new Tony sort of is too, and it doesn't matter because it's just Sid and he won't hold it against him if he isn't cool and calm and collected and Tony all the time. So he just lunges forward but not too hard, because Sid is tiny compared to him and within milliseconds Sid is clutching him back almost with as much desperation as there was on the dance floor when he was screaming and crying and collapsing all over Tony, wrought with grief and confusion and the stress of a whole day of no one knowing crashing down on him.

The announcer comes on, just a very normal woman's voice, telling that Sid's flight is leaving soon. And it all comes down to this and Tony doesn't want to let go. Doesn't want to see if Sid is happy at almost seeing Cassie or sad at leaving Tony or even if he's changed his mind because it will make it real to him. Because looking will give Sid the chance to step back and get on the plane. To pick up his bag and walk off like Tony wasn't his best mate in the world and the only person who really got him. Like _he_ wasn't the only one who understood Tony. But then it's over when he hears "Tony, I'm gonna miss my flight" and feels the tapping on his shoulder. So he acts like he's fine and steps back and smiles "Yeah". And he thinks he sees tears in Sid's eyes and he better, because he knows he can feel the hot stinging in his own. And when Sid reaches down to get his bag there's still the hope that he'll walk towards him and joke about going home instead of spending the next 8 hours on a stuffy plane in an uncomfortable seat with a crying baby behind him and an old lady drooling on his shoulder, all while breathing in recycled air. But he doesn't, and Tony knew he should have expected it. He was the one who bought the damn ticket that's letting Sid go into those circumstances in the first place, which was quickly becoming one of the worst decisions Tony had ever made, right up there with Josh. And Sid walks back into that stupid revolving door and Tony holds his breath thinking he'll come out again and rush at him, calling the whole thing off as a stupid mistake. But he doesn't. And Tony knows he's lost. And he doesn't think he'll ever be found again. So he can't help it when the tears he tried to hold in when Sid was there in his arms slide down his face. How stupid to think Sid would come back through. Of course he would choose the girl he loves. And Tony can barely keep from outright sobbing because that would just be the embarrassing icing on the cake. No one is dying and his sister is fine and Tony Stonem is crying, alone, in an airport, watching the only thing that made sense anymore walk out of his life.

* * *

As he sits in front of the wheel in Sid's dad's car, Michelle in the front seat now. It feels almost hollow how silent it is, him trying not to cry again, because he's not with Sid now, who he can cry in front of. He's not even got his hands on the wheel because they say emotional people shouldn't drive, unsafe and all that. "What if" He starts, and he knows what he's thinking but the words won't come, so little choking noises start at the back of his throat, ending somewhere in front of his teeth. Michelle trying to coax him into telling her, not because she knows and she's trying to help, but because she genuinely _doesn't_ know what he needs to say. "What if..." and Tony looks at Michelle. At her perfect face. Her perfect girl face with her beautiful features and eyes and hair done perfectly and all of a sudden he loses any resolve to tell her. "I'm not ready for this". And he's not, but Michelle takes it as his full thought. But it's not. Sid would have known but he's on the tarmac now, if not already ascending into the troposphere, above the clouds. "For what?" Tony had forgotten Chelle was there, which he really shouldn't have since he loved her. "All of this" Which is the truth. He doesn't know if he can handle being thrust back into the world so soon. He's only just gotten back to himself, and now he has to do it alone, without even Michelle if he wanted her.

"But you sort of need to be" And Michelle is still there, trying to convince him he'll be alright. She's sort of bollocksing it up. He wishes Sid had left her a script or something. 'What to Say When Tony is Having a Crisis of Faith' he should have called it. Just because he has to be alright doesn't mean he will. He's not magic. He's barely even Tony Stonem anymore, who is as close to a real life hero, maybe an anti-hero actually, as you can get. "You know-" and Michelle is speaking again, but at least this time he hasn't forgotten she was there, even with Sid on the brain "the first time I met you" And that alone was curious enough because Tony remembers first meeting Michelle at a party, her completely shit faced and him a bit worse off, but holding it better. "I knew...I just..." and Tony can't imagine what she'd say next. Maybe it would be a declaration of love at first sight. But that wasn't Michelle, who while believing in love, wasn't as clichéd as that. "Knew I wanted to have sex with you". Ah, now that was more Chelle. Chelle who might not be as good as reading Tony as Sid, but she knew how to make him smile, and laugh. And it wasn't perfect, but it was as close he could get. "Fuck you", but it's all in good spirits now. "We were good weren't we?" And of course it had to get serious again at some point. Except it's not as serious as it could have, because they're still sort of smiling, and it's more like how it used to be before it all went to hell. And Tony finds himself nodding, not just because it's what's expected, but because it's what he truly thinks. They _were_ good. "We were better than that".

They're smiling still, wider even, because just because they aren't anymore, even Michelle realizes that it's changed and can never go back. Tony can't be Tony without Sid, and if he's not Tony, Michelle doesn't really want him anyways. But they were good. And they'll remember all the times. Good and bad, what have you. Waking up under Tony's obscene duvet, Sid curled up at their feet, feeling awkward but not as awkward as it would if it was someone else, like Chris, or Anwar. Or when Tony tried to get Sid devirginized, and Sid thought he would get to be with Michelle but she had supplied Cassie, but it ended up not working out anyways that night. Or even the time Tony manipulated them both into seeking comfort from each other when he cheated with Abigail, only to cruelly jump in. Looking back though, it might have been less cruel and more Tony just expressing his true desires, to be with those he loved most in the whole world. They weren't ready for it then, they probably would never be. It was too strange, too taboo. But that was Tony for you, pushing the limits of acceptable.

Just with those words though, a whole relationship, a whole two and a half years, can just come quietly to an end. Almost unfitting compared to the rest of their time, but still somehow the same with way it just _was_. Tony doesn't have anything else to say and he no longer feels like he's going to crash Sid's dad's car so he starts it, looks at Michelle once more, but in a new light, one without the taint of trying to pretend, and maybe he has a new friend in her? Only time will tell. And maybe she'll be someone he can call late at night to tease or to cry in front of her about missing Sid and Chris and Effy and probably even herself, and everyone else too of course, because he feels he can.

FIN

* * *

A/N: WHY ISN'T THERE MORE TONY/SID? It's the most tangible sexual tension in the entire show. BOTH generations even. Probably the most unsubtle homo sexual tension I've ever seen, and MAXXIE is in Skins. COME ON PEOPLE YOU CAN DO THIS! Also, first fic. I came out of lurking for you Sid/Tony. Hope you appreciate it.


End file.
